Please can I ask for some positive energy and your prayers.
Its been a long road- for so many of us. For me, the last perhaps month or so has calmed down a little. Its a very long story- but someone- had promised to help me with my new place. It was financially out of my range but as I was in such a bind, this person offered to help top up what I could pay every month. Now Im being told they will not do that, they will pay only a certain amount. And added to this I am being called names, and told I am ungrateful and reminded of all the other times they have "helped " me. Perhaps I should add this person is a long lost parent- absent for 20 years. The last thing I wanted was to take their money- but I needed the help. Now I feel like Im being asked to make a choice- play it safe and take this sub and put up with all the name calling and the feeling of being indebted....is it wrong to think if someone gifts you something ( including birthday presents) you should not be reminded time and again what you owe? Am I wrong in my thinking here? Or do I say, I shall go it alone and trust somehow the money will come my way? My heart is racing and I feel sick, really sick to be back in this place where I am fighting for a roof over my head. It seems to be a pattern in the last year and a half and I dont know what I am doing that means I keep coming back to this lesson. So any healing, any guidance, would be really helpful.
Thank you 🙂
It seems that this person is longing for a deeper connection with you. A long absent parent must be very aware that they have been less than perfect. They are functioning through their short comings again. They blame you etc because they feel that you must blame them in your heart.
Forget about this situation for a while. It is not about money. It is spun around money but it is drawing your attention to the chasm in how you relate to each other. Both of you need your deeper feelings fulfilled. Clear your heart of all the blame, let down, anger, obligation etc. You relate to them through rancour. Its going around in circles. Accept fully that they have failed you. You know it but can't accept it and your whole energy around thenm is rooted in that blame. They can feel that blame, so to counter it, they blame you let you down etc. The game goes on...
Everyone is doing the best they can.
What challenges you the most, liberates you the most
hope it gets smooth
The last thing I wanted was to take their money- but I needed the help.
That is a conflict which will inhibit the flow that you desire, you can either be open to receive and embrace unconditionally what you require or you can become judgemental and put up barriers which will block it, please consider revising your assessment of the situation around what is happening to you right now, what has happened before is irrelevant, just deal with the now and what you require, the future will unfold in its own time.
Im not being given anything actually the offer of my rent money is conditional on me behaving in a certain way and in not speaking how I feel, speaking my truth.
Its fear thats holding me back I know, I want to be able to say, I wont debase myself for cash, and believe that all will unfold and I will be fine, yet I have such fear, yes because of the past. Too much to explain but there is such painful Im finding it hard to not just feel that pain and feel let down and abandoned all over again. Even though now I am an adult, I feel like that child abandoned again. Plus I have the rent to pay! I want to be practical. I want to be independant too. If that makes sense:confused:
There is always a price to pay for any choice which we make, if the price is too high then we look for another answer, if someone offers an exchange and you feel that the price of the exchange is not right for you, then you do not take it, but that price must be assessed in isolation to what has been or what might be in the future.
As you are rejecting this exchange, then what other exchanges are available to you? Can you change and increase your earning potential, can you change your home to a cheaper one, is it time perhaps for a fresh start somewhere else or with someone else? Change is the key, you can change yourself and you can change your circumstances.
I would suggest that your first choice would be to replace your exsisting negative choice to be fearful over what might be, into a positive focus of what can or what will be. 🙂