Its 5am here in NC in the US. I woke up suddenly from a nightmare at around 3:50am. I havent had a nightmare for so long, not one that I was actually frightened by at least. I know exactly what the dream means but I felt like having another outlet for it any ways.
I was riding in a car with my father. We were driving on this hill with various streets cut into the side of it and guardrails along the edge of the roads. The road suddenly became very icy and we were coming up to a ramp and my dad said "Looks like we are going to come out in the same spot" and he laughed a little. So I laughed with him. Then we realized that we werent on the road but on the side of the hill. When my dad saw this he tried to turn off onto the street below but we ended up in the air and we started falling really fast. My dad was rather docile at this point. There were these cables at the bottom of the hill with huge poles, they were supposed to catch the car in case it fell...I was certain we would catch onto them. I look behind me and what was supposed to be a cousin of mine, he was frightened to death as we kept falling faster and faster. He didnt make a sound though, he just was in terror. When I turned back around I was in the drivers seat and my dad was now the passenger. We slammed into the water and it felt like we were cushioned by the water but we hit it hard... at that same instant I heard my father scream but his screams were muffled by the resonance of the water. I didnt even realize what happened for the first second and I almost panicked because I felt I had lost a second of time that I could be saving us. I dont even know If I would have reacted because I woke up after the scream and the thought and my heart was racing.
The nightmare is because my dad told me recently that he hasnt been doing too well. That he had to see the Dr. about his breathing problems. My mother died this past November of 04 and I suppose Im just afraid of losing another parent before I can even turn 26. My being in the drivers seat when we hit the water was my feeling its my responsibility to take care of my father or save him from dying. And the whole nightmare represents my fear of not actually doing anything but panicking because honestly...If I lost my dad now I dont know that I could deal with it. I still havent really gotten over mom. Hence the fears in the first place.
I doubt Ive ever had the experience of drowning in a car or even falling into water with a car, I cant find the memory in any past life but after having this nightmare Im convinced that I know what it must feel like.
Im not ready to lose my dad. So Im praying that it is only my fear reacting to his recent conversation and latent emotions from my mothers death.
RE: I now know what it feels like. . .
I feel your dream is showing you the need to release these anxious feelings to be able to cope and move on without being stuck in this place you're at now.
The snese of you not feeling you will know how to handle losing another parent seems to show a sign of being frightened of being left alone, or something else very significant, which is where the real focus lays. Because if you deal with this deepened fear then the attachment to losing a parent will not be so unbearable and you will be able to cope alot better -with situations which deals with loss- with inner strength
I send you comfort and loving light
Evex
[sm=hug.gif]
RE: I now know what it feels like. . .
I know exactly what the dream means
C.G. Jung said that if you think you know all that a dream means, then you probably have missed a deeper layer of it!
When I turned back around I was in the drivers seat and my dad was now the passenger.
Feeling responsible for doing something for your dad? Bu tafriad that you wouldn't be able to do it right? You are driving the car but it crashes. However, the car was off the road already before! Your dad drove it off the road. Do you have a feeling that you have to "repair" your dad's health problem?
Artemis
RE: I now know what it feels like. . .
Thanks for replying you two.
Eve you are perfectly correct that there's a deeper issue to my fear of losing my parents. However its not something that really bothers me... its something Ive chosen. I tend to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders. But its natural for me to do that. I care so much that ill feel responsibility where I know I have none. Its in my angelic nature to hold up the world. So I see my mother die and I feel I should have done more ...not necessarily to stop her death but ease her pains....and now my father, feeling responsible like I want to go back in time and take back all the times I was difficult to him and also wanting to be more powerful so I can help ease his pains right now.
I understand this isnt a healthy feeling for a human being and I was born a human but I put myself through it with everyone around me, even myself and I do it by choice. So it is not a problem to me.
Artemis, Yes you are right. My phrase was an absolute statement but I didn't mean it that way. Ive always been the first one to say that there is always another step in the endless stairway of discovery.
RE: I now know what it feels like. . .
Maybe part of the journey of being human is to learn that we are not "all powerfull" and that we should not take everything on our shoulders?
Artemis