How do I get out of my awful job...

Have you started to look for other jobs in the area? My daughter was very depressed working in an office. It came to a head when she, as a Team Leader, was expected to sort out a case of bullying in the workplace. She, and the victim, found it impossible to get help, as the perpetrator was the team manager. She had been dealing with this 'manager' for about 3 years, and after 6 months of this daily 'abuse' she gave 2 weeks notice. The victim just didn't come back.
She was determined that this was not going to be her life, so something had to change. She did not sign on, but did all sorts of things to pay her rent/utilities, and was never out of 'work' - she was a waitress; barmaid: hotel cleaner; dog walker and a nanny. All these in the space of year, at which point she decided to go to college and do Vet Nursing. That was two years ago. She is now taking a year out to raise funds to finish the course, and is doing two jobs - kennel maid and waitress! I don't know how she does it - but she enjoys it, and the main thing is, she is happy.

My sister is going through the same currently. She is so unhappy where she is working and finding the atmosphere is choking the life out of her. I'm lending her as much support as I can, but she is becoming quite physically ill because she is so fed up.

I don't know the answer and I will follow this thread with interest. But you are not alone in feeling this way and feeling trapped.

I wish I could say quit and go on an adventure but life doesn't generally afford such things. Which is such a shame.

Good luck, I'm routing for you. x

Have you started to look for other jobs in the area? My daughter was very depressed working in an office. It came to a head when she, as a Team Leader, was expected to sort out a case of bullying in the workplace. She, and the victim, found it impossible to get help, as the perpetrator was the team manager. She had been dealing with this 'manager' for about 3 years, and after 6 months of this daily 'abuse' she gave 2 weeks notice. The victim just didn't come back.
She was determined that this was not going to be her life, so something had to change. She did not sign on, but did all sorts of things to pay her rent/utilities, and was never out of 'work' - she was a waitress; barmaid: hotel cleaner; dog walker and a nanny. All these in the space of year, at which point she decided to go to college and do Vet Nursing. That was two years ago. She is now taking a year out to raise funds to finish the course, and is doing two jobs - kennel maid and waitress! I don't know how she does it - but she enjoys it, and the main thing is, she is happy.

Hi,

Good for her! Being happy is the main thing, I agree. I'm guessing she is a fair bit younger than me though. It sounds like she gave herself space to figure out what she wanted to do, or maybe she always wanted to do vet nursing? I'm not sure whether you mean have I applied for jobs in the local area or in the same work area. Well, not yet, to be honest I am so lacking confidence and so confused I just don't know where to start.

My sister is going through the same currently. She is so unhappy where she is working and finding the atmosphere is choking the life out of her. I'm lending her as much support as I can, but she is becoming quite physically ill because she is so fed up.

I don't know the answer and I will follow this thread with interest. But you are not alone in feeling this way and feeling trapped.

I wish I could say quit and go on an adventure but life doesn't generally afford such things. Which is such a shame.

Good luck, I'm routing for you. x

Thank you Meadowsweet 🙂 Yes, being physically ill has been a big part of it for me too, I can relate to that! I have recovered my health now but I'm sure the job has been a big part of how down I got physically. Is your sister quite young?

.

Mouse I do feel for you.I was in a similar situation at one point - trapped in a job where I was very unhappy - with a boss who was bullying me.

There is no easy answer because each persons situation is different. I became happy once I realised d that I had choices - and one of the choices was I didn't have to stay there - but my exit plan was eased by my professional options as a pharmacist.

The thing is I now try to help people like you using the skills and techniques that helped me. One of those techniques was NLP/life coaching. One of the presuppositions of NLP is that we all have the resources we need to make the changes we want so I KNOW you can find a solution with the right help. Its a question of finding the right help.

One thing I DO know is that stress is not cased by events or people or situations, but how we chose to react. And please trust me, your reactions can be changed with the right help.. This might not sound much but if you are stuck in the job - and you could stop yourself being stressed and unhappy by changing how you think about things that would be a massive improvement. That initially was the biggest change I made - and it enabled me to stay on in that job for a further 18 months and be happy.

May I suggest a book called change your life in 7 days by Paul McKenna. For me it did what it said on the tin . I was so impressed I trained in the techniques used in the book professionally.

Hi,

Try to set your self achievable goals that will help you to change your situation, for example next week book an appointment for re-training in a different field, the following week look at courses etc. You are never to old to change your job or life.

I was in the same situation as you in my early 20's and ended up ill and on anti depressants. I managed to wean my self off the tablets and changed my job. It took a long time to regain my confidence, but I have never been in that situation again.

I am now 55 and last year graduated from uni with a 2.1 hons degree. You will find the strength to get out of your situation, but do it one step at a time look at other options and follow your instinct.

I know you can do it.

Thinking of you.:):):o

Phew just when I was thinking I can't bear being retired and need a job, it all came flooding back to me, the back biting, the trying to do your best when as you say mouse16 - sometimes it does not matter how good you are at your job, how hard you try to fit in, colleagues can be bitches (men to) but quite honestly in my experience it was always women...why is that?

Sometimes it is not colleagues it can be the very nature of the job that can eventually get you on rock bottom, I do like what Tashanie says on this matter and it is worth a try. A member of my family is in this 'trapped' scenario and I will pass this on to him.

I feel so sorry for people today, literally trapped in jobs they hate, in my day (100 years ago) if we were fed up or whatever we just popped along to the job centre/looked at the newspaper and had another job within the week!

mouse16 I don't know your circumstances i.e. married, mortgage etc., but is there a possibility if you do have a mortgage you could move to a smaller place or something? Money, money really at the end of the day we do need it. I am retired and can't darn well manage on pension. I am finding part time jobs that would normally be paid or now being offered as voluntary :fit:

Only benefit to me now is IF, I could get a little part time job and there was just ONE person who peed me off I would literally tell them where to go. Hope you get sorted soon mouse16, let me know how it pans out for you. x

Thank you Meadowsweet 🙂 Yes, being physically ill has been a big part of it for me too, I can relate to that! I have recovered my health now but I'm sure the job has been a big part of how down I got physically. Is your sister quite young?

She is young, she is 29. She is a very sensitive soul and has had a lot going on outside of work never mind what's going on within it so she is struggling. There isn't a lot we can do for her other than listen and if she asks for advice give her the support she needs.

One thing I DO know is that stress is not cased by events or people or situations, but how we chose to react. And please trust me, your reactions can be changed with the right help.. This might not sound much but if you are stuck in the job - and you could stop yourself being stressed and unhappy by changing how you think about things that would be a massive improvement. That initially was the biggest change I made - and it enabled me to stay on in that job for a further 18 months and be happy.

May I suggest a book called change your life in 7 days by Paul McKenna. For me it did what it said on the tin . I was so impressed I trained in the techniques used in the book professionally.

Thanks you Tashanie for your kind and encouraging words 🙂 I find it hard to believe that how we choose to react can be changed when in a situation like this. It seems to me that things happen and they 'push your buttons' whether you want that or not. But I am always prepared to give it a go! I will check out the book.

Hi,

Try to set your self achievable goals that will help you to change your situation, for example next week book an appointment for re-training in a different field, the following week look at courses etc. You are never to old to change your job or life.

I was in the same situation as you in my early 20's and ended up ill and on anti depressants. I managed to wean my self off the tablets and changed my job. It took a long time to regain my confidence, but I have never been in that situation again.

I am now 55 and last year graduated from uni with a 2.1 hons degree. You will find the strength to get out of your situation, but do it one step at a time look at other options and follow your instinct.

I know you can do it.

Thinking of you.:):):o

Thanks 🙂 Yes, weekly goals is a good idea, I need to feel I am doing something.

Only benefit to me now is IF, I could get a little part time job and there was just ONE person who peed me off I would literally tell them where to go. Hope you get sorted soon mouse16, let me know how it pans out for you. x

😀 How I would love to do that, good for you!

No option to 'downsize' I'm afraid (not mortgage as I rent but other stuff).

have I applied for jobs in the local area or in the same work area. Well, not yet, to be honest I am so lacking confidence and so confused I just don't know where to start.

OK, you're in London, so you have the maximum amount of jobs to choose from. I suggest you start by listing the things you want and don;t want in your next job.

Look at some person specifications and job descriptions online.

Update your CV, show it to some friends and they may point out things you've left out. You maybe find it difficult to "blow your own trumpet" because your confidence has been undermined. So get some feedback from people who like you. They like you for a reason.

Ask your friends about where they work, or have worked recently. Especially those friends who more resemble you. If someone seems to have a nicer workplace, contact their HR dept and ask if they've any vacancies.

Finally, before you start making applications, make a plan for how you will handle the inevitable knock-backs, ie treat each interview as a learning opportunity. If possible, get feedback from every interview, although regretably many interviewers don;t have the guts to tell people honestly why they didn;t get the job. However on the rare occasions when they do the feedback can be useful (but only if it's framed in terms of measurable, achievable changes that you could make- otherwise it's best forgotten).

Hi,
e Good for her! Being happy is the main thing, I agree. I'm guessing she is a fair bit younger than me though. It sounds like she gave herself space to figure out what she wanted to do, or maybe she always wanted to do vet nursing? I'm not sure whether you mean havI applied for jobs in the local area or in the same work area. Well, not yet, to be honest I am so lacking confidence and so confused I just don't know where to start.

There is no point in applying for jobs until you DO have the confidence. And if you don't know where to start may I make a suggestion ...at the beginning!!! No I am NOT joking, May I suggest you do the wheel of life exercise?

Draw a circle and divide it up into 6 or 8 segments. Assign one part of your life to each segment. (career, finance, friends, family , home, health .......you know what your life is made up of!!) Now assume 0 is in the middle of the circle and 10 is on the circumference, Assign a score from 0-10 of how content you are with each part of your life and draw a line across the segment at that point.. You will end up with lines at different positions across each segment and a very visual representation of what your priority areas are. If you like you can do a wheel for a particular segment - I had a friend who who realised her home was her biggest issues - and did a wheel for each room to help her highlight what she needed to start with.

You can use the wheel to show you what you need to focus on - and then you will have somewhere to start.....

OK, you're in London, so you have the maximum amount of jobs to choose from. I suggest you start by listing the things you want and don;t want in your next job.

Look at some person specifications and job descriptions online.

Update your CV, show it to some friends and they may point out things you've left out. You maybe find it difficult to "blow your own trumpet" because your confidence has been undermined. So get some feedback from people who like you. They like you for a reason.

Ask your friends about where they work, or have worked recently. Especially those friends who more resemble you. If someone seems to have a nicer workplace, contact their HR dept and ask if they've any vacancies.

Finally, before you start making applications, make a plan for how you will handle the inevitable knock-backs, ie treat each interview as a learning opportunity. If possible, get feedback from every interview, although regretably many interviewers don;t have the guts to tell people honestly why they didn;t get the job. However on the rare occasions when they do the feedback can be useful (but only if it's framed in terms of measurable, achievable changes that you could make- otherwise it's best forgotten).

Thanks but I think I need to get my confidence back before I even do the listing things / thinking thing through bit. I am not sure anymore who I am or what I would be best doing. I can't ask friends about work or show them my CV as I don't have any (at all). Not everyone does. I understand what you are saying and appreciate the advice but don't think I'm at that stage yet.