Hello.
I'm sure you all know what this thread is about now. I'm going to keep this short and sweet just like the problem. Once penetration has started, I last less than 5 seconds, and it is incredibly frustrating, but both myself and my partner.
Help.
Ive been there, i had this problem for years, i got it sorted by mastering the alexander technique, no quick fix though.
might be interesting for you to look up Wilhelm Reich to see if you relate to his 'orgasm reflex theory' i.e how unhealthy orgasms connect with rigid muscles (worsening posture) and childhood traumas.
i found it to be true, once you get a "push back" on your posture, a sense of sexual control returns and old traumas will become clear. (not sure about his 'orgone' theory though).
my problems related back to a childhood operation on my testicle- i had a long term 'fear of pain' making me lose natural sexual control in the bedroom department.
alexander is one of many neo-reichian therapies you should check out (others are feldenkrais, rolfing etc)
eventually you'll be fine with alexander (or reflexology too- i poo pooed it for many years, a mistake, all are looking for the same result).
Hello.
I'm sure you all know what this thread is about now. I'm going to keep this short and sweet just like the problem. Once penetration has started, I last less than 5 seconds, and it is incredibly frustrating, but both myself and my partner.
Help.
Brave of you to mention it. I wonder: are you young? (Whatever young is.)
If this is what happens, I'm no sexual therapist, but the obvious answer which occurs to me, as it must be very frustrating, is to let that happen, allow maybe half an hour to pass, and with your partner's "help", start all over? It won't be five seconds the second time.
To Matty:
Gosh, I haven't got time to look into it, but you just fleetingly mention all kinds of interesting things there. Not (to me) interesting re sex, but the science behind all this. It's donkey's years since I read about Reich, and I read little anyway. I thought he was more into new, levitational, ways of flying, and the orgasm was to him just an insight into another form of energy. I didn't know he actually reearched sex per se. I do know that he believed his research led to UFOs regularly overlooking him, and eventually persecution from the US government (not because of anything to do with sex [?] but because of his new-energy-sources research?).
Edit to add, on Reich: I've never known what to make of his "regular UFO overlooking" claims. Whether this was factual, or he was a bit nuts? Didn't he even design some gizmo which he said shot them down?
V
I've never experienced anything similar, but perhaps a shift in mindset may make the situation more tolerable whilst you go about acting on some of the suggestions you find on here.
For want of a more eloquent way of putting it, perhaps V's suggestion of (ahem) "come and come-again" may work, in the fact that if you learn to embrace and enjoy your pleasure (no matter how shortlived) and build up a healthy attitude to your releases, then you can let go of the embarrassment and guilt and therefore be able to back on your horse and go at it again, so to speak.
Pleasure also comes in all forms, and I'm sure your wife won't complain if she is satisfied in other ways.
Let go of the frustration, and just work on enjoying yourselves with no hang-ups and preconceptions.
Much love,
GF xxx
Edit to add, on Reich: I've never known what to make of his "regular UFO overlooking" claims. Whether this was factual, or he was a bit nuts? Didn't he even design some gizmo which he said shot them down?
i dunno anything about his UFO stuff. sounds delusional.
all i know that i came up with my own personal theory about the links with unhealthy orgasms, poor posture/muscle texture, childhood pain/early sexual development and ultimately sexual control and performance...
then i discovered it fitted what Reich had already wrote about the orgasm reflex.
W.Barlow wrote about sexual performance & W.Reich in The Alexander Principle book, a good alexander techique book.
OK. I've never known what to make of Reich TBH. He seemed certain that UFOs flew around him often, and he had a way of dealing with that. Delusional? Sad if so, as he's still cited in major books on psychotherapy. TBH I really do forget the details, but I think he was imprisoned for his beliefs by the USA?
Anyway, not to stray too far off topic, as it begins with someone asking for advice. My advice would still be, let whatever happens happen: it'll take a lot longer than five seconds when you feel up to it the second time. 🙂 Is this not a practical solution and down-to-earth?
V
Come and come again sounds good... Oh, to be young enough to do that! I have a colleague who happily admits that his technique involves reciting the Tube stations of the Northern Line (in correct order). In his head, obviously.
Seems to me that that kind of removes you from the experience, even if it is effective. Maybe the best advice above is to try alternative methods with your partner and stop obsessing (and I don't use that word in a judgmental sense) with intercourse. Because, as we all know, the more you think about something, the harder it is NOT to think about it. And the harder it is not to think about it, the less likely it is that your ride is going to take you even as far as Finchley Central. If you know what I mean.
Come and come again sounds good... Oh, to be young enough to do that! I have a colleague who happily admits that his technique involves reciting the Tube stations of the Northern Line (in correct order). In his head, obviously.
That would certainly work as a turn-off device for me! Untold years ago my job was "relief" (yes, OK...) station master or foreman on the Northern Line, meaning that if anyone was on holiday or ill, I would take over the station. I've been in charge of almost every Northern Line station at some point.
The Oval, during the Brixton riots when I was desperately trying to pull the old gates shut to bolt them, as I saw the hordes advancing on me ... Tufnell Park isn't it, with the longest escalator in the UK, so youths loved to hit the emergency stop button. (I had to walk, well I used to like to run, down, fix it with a key but then get all the way up to the top again to restart.)
Here we go ... High Barnet, Totteridge & Whetstone, Woodside Park, West Finchley ... 🙂
V
Maybe that Tantric Yoga stuff is the order of the day (there's an article on it in the most recent issue of Embody). Just thought I'd throw that out there... 😮
yes tantric sex is something to look into together.
i brought a dvd on it, although it was a cheesy 70's production, it did make us realise orgasm isnt actually the most important thing about sex.
caster,
you should consider getting your hormones checked, i.e low testosterone etc. via a blood test by GP or endocrinologist.
see a urologist too.
isnt there a drug that deals with PE?
[Edit: deleted!]
But, my message is that it isn't such a big deal. Just talk with your girlfriend about ways to work around it.
Ava x
Hi caster, I understand that the Masters and Johnson squeeze method is very effective if practised correctly...
Good luck!
Hi Caster
This post was supposed to be about your ejaculation issue i dont understand how it ended up being about tube stations etc!
I find the best solution to this problem is to learn deep breathing techniques from yoga. This will help you to "pace" yourself, be more calm and controlled and to "hold" yourself for longer. Try it and I'm sure it will help you.
Kaif
Premature Ejaculation
Premature ejaculation is one of the most common sexual dysfunctions in men under a certain age.There are multiple methods of treatment when
it comes to premature ejaculation, some of them in the form of medicines, some in the form of specialized techniques, and some in the form of herbal supplements.
I agree with Matty30. I'm trained in neo-Reichian bodywork so am very familiar with this kind of issue. It's likely to be caused by body armouring (chronic tension) in the hips (which may have any number of possible causes). One effect is that the tension stops men being fully aware of their level of arousal and dampens their ability to control themselves. One common cause is some kind of fear: part of us is saying "Yes!" and another part is saying "No!" - and the somatic compromise reached (unconsciously) is 'Yes- but get it over with quick.'
As it takes two to tango (as they say), it is sometimes an energetic response to the woman - in effect, her energy saying "Just get it over with." Which is why men can be fine with one partner but suffer premature ejaculation with another.
Don't bother with sprays, potions or pills. Find a good practitioner and do some deep bodywork.