for several weeks my eldest son who is twelve has been in a bit of bother at school, and there was a suspicion he was being bullied by some of his peers. well today confirmed the bullying- by chance i saw my son go past after having a wash, and on the left cheek of his bum was a 3-4inch circular deep and raw graze.
the poor thing must of been in agony when he came home yesterday, but he never said anything. when i went into bed at 11, i heard him saying ow but i thought he had a bit of belly ache until this morning .
i asked him who did it and he told me, so this morning i went up to see the head of year 7 as this bullying issue has gone too far as it has now got physical. unfortuantely there have been other incidences such as his water bottle gone missing and his locker key,and also he has stopped activities at school, such as being a librarian as the other kids call him a "boff"
whats more hurtful is that all through his primary life, he was at a special needs school which also had a secondary part, but when he reached the last year of primary i made the decision with his teachers for him to go to a mainstream secondary as academically he was too advanced, but emotionally very naive.the latter has now been picked up by his peers, and they are getting him into trouble by encouraging him to be rude to the teachers/disrupt the class. he does it as he thinks it makes him popular, but i had to be cruel and say to him that although they laugh when he does it, they are laughing at him, not with him and are not true friends.
what makes it worse is he is by far the smallest in his year and skinny, so he doesn't stand a chance when he is being bullied. at the moment i feel i have made the biggest mistake by allowing him to go to a mainstream, and all what is happening is a bolt from the blue as i was expecting it in the first few weeks of last september, not now.
as he still has a educational statement of special needs, the head of special needs has assigned him a mentor who is a teaching assistant and we have all said to him if anything happens, tell someone. at the moment i want to skin the boy who did this to my son, and i don't want to let him go to school anymore. he was the only child from his primary that went to this school, so he knew no-one but he coped until now. my son is on report for getting into trouble, and i feel i'm at my wits end what to do next as once a child gets the "class idiot" tag, it stays with them for the rest of their school life.
sorry for the long post, but i feel so gutted that this has happened to my son.
warm wishes- calla lily x
RE: so gutted for my son
my heart goes out to you.keep up with instilling confidence into your son,ensure he always understands the right from wrong and make damn sure that little get is made an example of .....its a shame you cant show bullying as being a hobby of the weak in schools.i think with all the press the head should do something about it.
hope it works out for you.....jane x
RE: so gutted for my son
Bullying [sm=banghead.gif][sm=banghead.gif][sm=banghead.gif][sm=banghead.gif]
Don't be fobbed off at your son's school. Insist the boy who did this is punished. Threaten to take the matter to the Headteacher, Governors and the LEA if it is not sorted out.
I detest bullying of any description.
I hope you get this sorted out, in the meantime sending much love and reiki to your son and his situation. [sm=hug.gif]
RE: so gutted for my son
Although I wasn't special needs at school, I know what he's going through, and even now I still don't know what I could have done differently to make things better for myself.
You've done nothing wrong with your decision to let him attend a mainstream school. Like you said, he's got the intellect and he wouldn't be able to use that as effectively in a specialist school, there just isn't the resources available.
This really shouldn't be happening in today's schools and there should be more education of kids from a young age about what effects bullying can have on people. I know that education about drugs and films of cocaine addicts dying certainly put the willies up me when I was young and kept me away from that sort of thing, even though I have had it offered to me. Worked wonders.
Have you thought of contacting Childline for advice?
Love and Reiki Hugs
RE: so gutted for my son
Hi honey
so so sorry and mad at reading this, poppet is right with her course of action follow it through and show that it will not be tolerated.
much love n light being sent to your wee one and also do think about sending him to learn martial arts, Jacob is smaller than average and once he turns four in a couple of weeks he will be going to learn this...not as a method to fight but in order to defend himself....if the need should every arise....
Tigs
x
RE: so gutted for my son
Hi Calla Lilly,
Can't argue with any of the advice on here... all good.
Here's my take for what it's worh (as someone that possibly knows exactly what he's going through). It seems to me that (like me) he doesn't tell you about it, he hides his injuries from you and he gets up everyday and goes to school no matter how scared he is of what he may face that day?
Well that tells me that he is both tough & brave and doesn't want to upset you either... very fine and noble qualities if you ask me.
So my advice (and you will probably think I'm off my trolley) is go find and put him into a boxing club... not martial arts ... just straight boxing... it will give him all the things that he needs - and I can expand further on that if you want to follow that idea... but I promise you within a year, he won't want to (or have to) do what they want him to do, he won't be in trouble with the teachers, he'll be more confident and sure as hell won't be getting bullied.
Rgds,
Roger
RE: so gutted for my son
many thanks for all of your replies and for the reiki too poppet [sm=hug.gif][sm=1kis.gif]
he came home this afternoon and i asked him what did year of head 7 do, he said both him and the boy involved were called into her office separately, but didn't say much more. he added this boy was just *messing about*..yeah right..some messing about when my son has a chunk missing from his a**e!![sm=angry-smiley-030.gif]
hopefully this will be the end of it, i will phone up the school tomorrow and find out what has been done regarding this boys behaviour. i'm very interested to see if the head of year 7's anti-bullying speech during welcome evening last year lives up to its expectations!!
there is a bullying website i have used before which was very informative- if nothing is resolved then i will be contacting the LEA over this matter.
a few weeks ago one of his friends asked if he could go to karate and i agreed, but on the day there was a complete fiasco over meeting up etc so that was the end of that..or so i thought! yesterday the same friend came round and i made it very clear between the pair of them to arrange things properly to avoid the wild goose chase we had previously. hopefully on monday my son will start karate lessons and have someone to go with.
the teachers have said that my son is brighter than most of the pupils in his class, but his efforts have taken a real nosedive since all this has happened as he wants to fit in with these idiots. i'm just hoping its been nipped in the bud now and things improve.
thanks for all the advice everyone, its been much appreciated [sm=hug.gif]
warm wishes- calla lily x
RE: so gutted for my son
Dear Calla Lily - just seen this - I can't add any other advice and only offer my support and best wishes,
Love,
Sharonxx
RE: so gutted for my son
Hi Calla Lily
ORIGINAL: calla lily
hopefully on monday my son will start karate lessons and have someone to go with.
I have to say that I don't think karate will help him (quickly) - It is a fine martial art - but takes much time and application to gain benefit.
But from what you've said about him - I would say Judo would be better for him, however boxing will prove 'head and shoulders' more ideal for his situation above the others.
My thoughts to you both,
rgds,
roger
RE: so gutted for my son
Hi Calla Lilly
Do follow up and find out what's been done. State quite categorically that you will not tolerate your son been bullied and that you will take it further if it happens again.
I agree with the advice to let your son learn a self defence art, my son did Judo after being bullied mercilessly and it really made a difference to his confidence. Still sending much love and Reiki to your lad and to you. [sm=hug.gif]
RE: so gutted for my son
hi all,
well, the head of year 7 phoned me up and i asked what happened regarding the other boys behaviour- she told me he was genuinely shocked when she told him what he had done and that he was totally unaware my son got hurt.his parents will not be informed(ggrr!) as she believes it was an issue where rough and tumble play got too rough, and the boy did not realise what he had done until she mentioned it. he also says they were both messing about, but i told his head of year that i was concerned as my son suffered in silence and its not been the first time this boy has got physical.
its on record at school what happened, and she has said if anything happens like this again, it will be dealt with with much more severity. she has warned the boy not to get rough with my son, even if they are just playing . i will be taking a photo of his graze as evidence and keep a diary of incidents so i can monitor the situation and if it comes to it, present it as evidence to the LEA.
my son is happier now, and he has been told by his head of year that if it happens once more, he is to tell someone and not suffer in silence, whether it be play fighting or not.
i will look into judo/boxing as i can see the benefits of that more than karate- thank you roger for suggesting that [sm=hug.gif]
thank you all for all your kind words , support , reiki and advice- i am really grateful and touched by the warmth i have felt from everyone [sm=1kis.gif][sm=grouphug.gif][sm=love-smiley-009.gif]
warm wishes- calla lily x
RE: so gutted for my son
[sm=hug.gif]
RE: so gutted for my son
i was bullied myself a few years ago. i wanted to move schools but no one would let me. my family told me to keep my head down and concentrate on my school work. that is the advice you should give ur son. this difficult time will soon pass.
RE: so gutted for my son
hope things are better for your son now. i hate to say this but if you do need to complain further i wouldnt bother with the LEA as they will probably only refer you back to the school. You should send any complaints in writing to the Chair of Governors but hopefully it won't come to that and your boy will be fine.
Also wanted to say having worked with special needs children in mainstream schools in the past you should be very proud of your son's achievement as he seems to have almost gotten to the end of year 7 without any major incident and going to a secondary school without your primary school friends is very brave stuff even for kids without special needs
RE: so gutted for my son
HI Calla Lily
Sorry Sweetie, i have only just seen this thread, I am a Parent Governor of my sons school, so if you need any help with the issue, and taking it further if necessary then please pm me and i will help as much as i can.
Love & Light
Mark
[sm=FIFangel.gif]