RE: Giving Up Drinking - Support Needed
Heya Dionne
Good on your for your decision, take it day by day.. you might find that something like EFT will help you with the self-acceptance and self-loathing and that you will find giving up drinking is as a result much easier.
There are many ways to give up, but regardless, punishing yourself will only bring you down, at a time when you're taking control and making wonderful positive life changes. Congratulate yourself for your courage.
RE: Giving Up Drinking - Support Needed
Hi Michael,
If you're truly addicted, the only way to beat this is by total abstinence. I'm sure there are lots of preparations and medicines on the market that can help, but all you reallyneed is the will to do it and support from those around you. Let people know what you're doing and ASK for their support. No-one that is your friend will refuse it.
There's no getting away from how difficult this will be. Filling the vacuum that removing alcohol from your life will inevitably leave, finding a replacement for oblivion when life gets tough, functioning "normally" in an alcohol-based society. But since you've got this far, I imagine you'reprepared to give it your best shot. I wish you good luckMichael, and if I can be of any help, don't hesitate to get in touch.
Moggy
RE: Giving Up Drinking - Support Needed
you situation is almost identical to mine, have been binge drinking for a good while now, and for no reason, I am very happily married, have a good job and a wonderful family, its just a very bad habit. i can easily put away a bottle or twoa night. it makes me feel dreadful and angry with myself the next day. I have decided to get it under control but I am worried about how difficult it is going to be.
RE: Giving Up Drinking - Support Needed
My Kudzu arrived in the mail yesterday so I have started taking that. So far it seems to be working.
I have just come back from a three week holiday in Thailand and even though I drank alcohol everyday, I was only drunk twice, New Years Day (wine) and one other night (cocktails). The rest of the time I drank beer and found I got too bloated to over-drink.
Thanks everyone for your support and help. Dionne & NewYearRes I can identify with your posts!
RE: Giving Up Drinking - Support Needed
Hi to Dionne and Julz, how are you 2 getting on ? I'm still finding it hard and feel bad that I haven't really curtailed it that much - found January to besuch a hard month. I'm ashamed that this weekend especially, I have not been good to myself.I went back to square one, but I'm determined to start all over again from tonight - for the sake of my family at least !
I even took a look on the internet at some of these EFT websites and I'm considering booking a couple of sessions of hypnotherapy (although it scares me when I think I've reduced myself to that). It's a vicious circle of feeling ashamed - I've always been of the mentallity that when a person is down, procrastinating over something, fed up, etc., all they need is a cuddle and then a bootup the backside. I think I need to give myself a hefty kick up the backside !!!
How do youfindthe Kudzu? Does it work with you ?
RE: Giving Up Drinking - Support Needed
Hi, sorry I haven't been online for awhile.
I don't take the Kudzu during the week, it is the weekends that are a problem for me.
I have had two binges recently which have made me realise I cannot let my guard down, I really just should not drink at all.
Last weekend my mum and two of her friends came over for a roast lunch. I served one bottle of red wine and mum said she wanted white. Because we both have a drinking problem, I said no, we are only having red (because we don't like it). My husband (who doesn't drink) offered to go and get white, I refused but he insisted and came back with two bottles. So of course we drank all three bottles and one more of red. I felt terrible the next day. Even though I had the best of intentions, it all just fell apart and I felt miserable after.
I think my first AA meeting is on the horizon.
RE: Giving Up Drinking - Support Needed
Hi Julz,
Only 2 binges is good, don't knock it - I'd be over the moon with that ! I don't see anything wrong with a drink at the weekend. My problem is in the week, where I just get bored by 10-ish and fancy a bottle of beer or something. Even when I only have say 1 or 2 bottles of beer, as I did last night, I still feel bad the next day that I couldn't have a night off, but I feel I am getting there by at least cutting down to what is basicallya pint.As an earlier message said, I think you just have to go total cold turkey. Not sure on this Kudzu to be honest.
I have considered AA, but would have trouble explaining to my wife where I had gone - would feel so degraded if I had to tell her the truth and that's what's driving me more now.
RE: Giving Up Drinking - Support Needed
The first step is being honest with yourself. The next is asking for help............It's a slow process but from your posts I think your getting there.......You only have one wife.......TALK TO HER......It's a good place to start.
Good Luck
Oakapple
RE: Giving Up Drinking - Support Needed
Hi Julz & newYearRes,
Is very hard place to be in and if alcohol is costing you more than money then I believe, it was for me, that self cannot fix self. I have been going to AA for 7 years, if having to admit being an alcoholic and getting help, then having a good life because of it is the worst problem facing you then grattitude could be required. There are people out there with terminal illnesses who cannot get help, they have no where to go, just wait to die. At least a 'daily reprieve' can be accomplished with alcoholism.
Alcoholism is a real illness, you are not bad wanting to be good you are sick wanting to be well. The illness is not in the bottle, is in the person.
I wish you luck, AA works because of identification, I understand what people are talking about. (your wife probably has good idea you have drinking problem, alky's are generally the last people to realise they are!)
TC
RE: Giving Up Drinking - Support Needed
Hi, I have just came across this site and it was very interesting reading all the messages. I could relate to what everyone is going through. I have the same problem, every evening when I put the kids to bed I feel like I need a drink to relax. Then before I know it instead of having one glass of wine I end up finishing the bottle and then have a couple of beers. Once I have one drink I can' t seem to stop. Then the next day I beat my self up for drinking so much.
It has really helped reading everyones messages.
kalana
RE: Giving Up Drinking - Support Needed
What a fantastic reralisation and decision to make!
The best advice I can give you is to go to AA. There you will find people who understand what you are going through and can help you as much or as little as you want.
I gave up 16 years ago after a disastrous drinking career. You don't have to lose as much as I did.
Look in the phone book for the national help line, phone them and find meetings near you. If you want, someone can come and take you to a meeting. Or you can just turn up.
"the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking"
Let us know how you are getting on.
Robert
RE: Giving Up Drinking - Support Needed
Hi all
I'm not alone then?
I have always enjoyed a drink but it has become more of a problem in the past 2-3 years and I find it hard to go an evening without a drink, particularly after a hard day. I always crave a drink to unwind when the kids are in bed - sometimes its a few glasses of wine but more often it is a bottle or more. I even find mysellf thinking of a drink on the way home and thats what worries me. I wake each day feeling annoyed with myself and tired after an alcohol induced nights sleep and feel guilt ridden all day - but then I repeat it all again. My own and wifes family like a drink and many of our friends do too so I am aware its a hard thing to skirt around and avoid. I really want to moderate my intake but sometimes think totally stopping might be my better bet, although I really would like to be able to have a drink or two and then stop on occasion. Sometimes I look at my kids and wonder what is wrong with me - why do I need to drink? They dont so why do I? I am not sure why I do drinkbut am very aware it has become a dreadful habit.
I've never really tried to moderate my intake (I abstained for 6 weeks in 2001), but feel I really want to now. I see it as changing habits and re-ordering my evening routines to do something else other that have a drink. Has anyone else found any strategies for coping without drinking that have worked?
Lonesome
RE: Giving Up Drinking - Support Needed
It's amazing how many people are affected by drink these days. I'm a 26 year old professional woman and I have always drank far too much, the point of drinking for me is to get drunk. It's got worse this past year when I've been downing a bottle of cheap vodka almost everyday, when that runs out I try to get my hands on anything I can - this includes expensive whiskey given as presents. So I end up hurting people, expensively replacing bottles I've slyly taken, and also damaging my health.
These past 6 months I have drank everyday, before work, sometimes at work and always after work. I havent been able to concentrate on my job and have been feeling incredibly depressed. My boss had a chat with me at work last week saying he needed to see an improvement by May this year. So if I didnt improve I would effectively be sacked. I quit my job the next day rather than face up to the truth.
I did go to an AA meeting but couldnt relate. I have a drink problem I told myself but I'm not an alcoholic. I am an alcoholic.
This past year I have gone to work drunk, blacked out in clubs and bars and cant remember getting home. Ashamedly I slept with someone and couldnt even remember the person coming home with me until we bumped into each other the next day. I've fallen asleep in museums during the day, on the last train home and ending up miles away no idea where I am. Destroyed two relationships because I hurt them so much through my drinking but put drink first. Embarrassed myself in clubs, falling over. Nights out where I've lost purses, money clothes. I have no idea how I'm not dead or been raped. Lost the respect of my parents, sister and friends due to my selfish drinking.
My family are so hurt that their daughter, little sis, niece is killing herself for apparenty no reason.
Through drink:
I'm killing myself
My fertility has probably been affected
I'm overweight due to it
Depressed
Hurt my family and friends
Had to quit my job
all for the love of vodka
RE: Giving Up Drinking - Support Needed
Somefigures for Alcohol where 15% of men and 8% of women admit drinking every day (in a week before survey) and 39% of men and 22% of women admitted to drinking above the recommended daily limit at least once in the past week(NHS-Statistical-publications 2006)
yes a lot of people drink.
other studies show about 18% of people will have a problem with drink or drugs at some point in their lives, for most this will be of short duration typically under 1 year and will usually coincide with a bereavement, end of relationship or redundancy (though depression and other mental health are significant) socially for alcohol this is even acceptable (his wife died) for about six months by the two year mark however its not! there is a similar pattern for drugs (they are not more addictive in terms of behavior but people are less likely to try class A drugs unless they also have other issues/traits indicative correlated to substance misuse like poor coping skills and attachment etc) for the majority other things in life become more important a new job, children, relationships and we simply choose to drink(take) less as we need to be there for something else (this is why many people can manage to drink and even take drugs like heroin and Crack without problems because they have strict rules around use)
for about 4% however this 'messy' period can extend and these are those typically seen as problem users.
A WORD OF WARNING!!!
if you are alcohol Dependant and stop you can DIE, anyone who drinks every day or who gets side effects from stopping should seek medical supervision, alcohol (along with benzodiazapiens)isone of the fewdrugs that can kill you by stopping (far more dangerous than Heroin or crack in this respect)
alcohol abuse is learned behavior and generally teaching people alternative coping strategies is enough to help people move from uncontrolled to controlled drinking, however for some individuals the neural patterning is so strong that it becomes difficult to unlearn the behavior and it is easier to practice abstinence, in all cases it is better to have a period of abstinence before learning new behavior because alcohol (and other drugs) affect the brains ability to learn!
with alcohol there is also gradual cumulative cellular damage which in long term users can cause serious brain damage (like Alzheimer's, memory loss and inability to take on new information) this is caused by free radicals.
tryptophan is a very important brain chemical and vitamin b is necessary for the absorption of this chemical, unfortunately alcohol also damages the guts abilities to inject nutrients.
support is very important be it through an international orginaisation like AA/NA or through family members as is learning alternative methods for coping with stress (a Major trigger) and replacing whatever the drugs or alcohol were giving you with something healthy and life enhancing.
for the vast majority if underlying issues are addressed a return to controlled drinking is very possible though as noted for heavy or problematic drinker neural pathways will have been laid down that will to varying degrees make caution around substances important.
Addictions are very difficult to combat - but not impossible! That's why I have provided a free hypnosis session on addictions on my site if you wish to give that a try.