My relationship with alcohol started when I was about 14 , staying overnight at friends and at youth club I would swig merrydown until I was sick or ran out of money and cider , usualy the latter. I was brought up on the binge drinking culture and apart from a few "lay offs" I have been a faithful alcohol abuser for 26 years. I could fill a book on the stories of my drunken antics. But now at 41 I am desperate to stop , not just cut down , I never want to touch a drop again, I hate hangovers, I hate not being in control , I hate the lost days and not being at my best ... you know what ? I don't even like the experience or the taste anymore. It feels like I have a destiny to fulfil and drink is holding me back, I have never been depressed before but this is begining to fill me with some dark horrible thoughts.
SO STOP !!!!! yes it sounds so obviously easy, but my wife drinks ,my parents drink , I think every friend I have ever made I have met in a pub and my body and mind seem to be in a loop of habit.
I have on a number of occasiions broken this cycle for a month or two but have always slipped back. This time I am so determined , but I am so scared of failing ...Any advice , inspiration or general comments would be really appreciated.
Hi Water Dragon
I'm not sure if I can directly help you, but I stopped drinking 2 years and 6 months ago. I behave like a total a*se when I drink. So, after some spectacularly appalling behaviour when I was drunk a mirror was held up to me and I knew I had to cut back, or stop. I went off alcohol cold turkey - my plan was to not drink for a month. That was in October - and it was a really hard month. I didn't find stopping drinking easy. However when I got through it I thought it best to keep going until after the new year (and avoid the Christmas/New Year drinking). Once I'd done that it seemed right to make a goal of not drinking for a year.
[In the background was my appalling behaviour, and the credibility I no longer had with my friends as a result of it. I sort of had to stop drinking if I wanted to have any friends.]
Then one year of not drinking rolled into a second... and now I am on my third. This year's new year's resolution was to have one drink a week - but I've only had 4 all year. And I don't think I'll have any more. I'm better off not drinking.
I think I am using my story to illustrate that stopping drinking is 'easier' if you have a very good reason for doing so. I also think that stopping drinking is easier than cutting back on the amount you drink. You have to be a special type of person to be able to cut back - and I'm not. I'm an all-or-nothing kinda girl.
Hello Water Dragon,
Posting this has been a massive step forward and for that you need to congratulate yourself.
I know its a little cliché but one day at a time will suffice, be easy on yourself.
It feels like I have a destiny to fulfil
Hold onto that thought because that is what is going to pull you through.
Do not be afraid to ask for support, support can sometimes come from the most unlikely source - it doesnt have to be a AA group, try some new in your life, maybe something voluntary.
You will always find support here too.
Take care of you.
Thank you both for your kind replys. I have been away from HP for 5 years and missed the energy, that positivety and wordly wiseness ( probably not a word) that radiates these pages.
🙂
wordly wiseness
😀
It works for me. 😉
I think it's great that your tackling this, there is help out there, are you saying you have a huge drink problem that actually affects your family life, work life? your not very clear on this. You've also managed to stop drinking for a month or two previously and slipped back, why did you slip back? just by walking into a pub? I'd probably say go see your GP first or AA, also talk to your family about it, open up! you'll find it alot easier getting the right kind of help for the right kind of problem you have, if you know what I mean? for instance, some people drink to forget, some crave the taste etc once you know why you drink the way you do the it'll be easier to tackle and break the cycle. Hope this makes a bit of sense. Good luck to you and don't be so hard on yourself neither!
Hi Water Dragon,
It can be really hard to make changes if people around you are still pursuing the same habits. Have you had a chance to discuss this with your wife, might you be able to stop together and support each other? If not, perhaps she could consider how she could protect you from her drinking?
On another note - do you know what function alcohol fulfills for you? (or fulfilled at the time when you started) If you can work it out it may be possible to find some alternatives. In my experience of work with addictions, there is usually some gap or need that is satisfied by the addictive behaviour (mostly on an unconscious level) and as a first step it is invaluable to work out what the "positive intention" of drinking is. When you did enjoy it in the past, what kind of feeling did it give you? Was it joy, companionship, safety, confidence, etc? Once we pin this down it is possible to find other options that would satisfy our needs.
Good luck
Masha
Hello Water Dragon,
Posting this has been a massive step forward and for that you need to congratulate yourself.I know its a little cliché but one day at a time will suffice, be easy on yourself.
Hold onto that thought because that is what is going to pull you through.
Do not be afraid to ask for support, support can sometimes come from the most unlikely source - it doesnt have to be a AA group, try some new in your life, maybe something voluntary.
You will always find support here too.
Take care of you.
Water Dragon I know what a huge step you have taken just by posting this. I speak from the viewpoint of someone who lived with an alcohol addict for far too long.
I know I would have supported my ex (and now deceased) husband totally if he had made a concerted effort to give up drinking. Sadly he never did.
If you really WANT to give up drinking - not for anyone else but because you want to - then get support from like minded people. AA, Aquarius,....... ask at your GP's they are sure to have a list of organisations in your area.
Good luck - love and light to you
Hi,
what i would say is find something else to fill the void,
i recently gave up something that was controlling me and what i realised was that i had so much time on my hands,
so i started going to the gym to get fit and it gave me something to occupy my mind and something to aim for,
ive started to enjoy my hobbies alot more too ie fishing and golf ect,
so if you REALLY want to give up it wont be too hard but its what to do then is the question,figure that out and your laughing,
as for your family drinking thats their choice,
you have to be strong enough not to drink,
but you have to NOT want a drink,
if you dont it wont be hard
Thanks E1 for your support. Just to let you know that this week , well most importantly this weekend I have enjoyed alcohol free. | really feel that I can do this. I managed to avoid a party and another major celebration and i had a great weekend and feel on top of the world. love & peaceWD
Well done you. 🙂
well done so far, keep it going.
what i would say is find something else to fill the void
if you dont it wont be hard
Good point! How about filling the void with an exercise programme? If you're planning to go for a walk or a run first thing in the morning you don't want to ruin it by drinking the night before...
You need to make it more painful to drink, and more pleasurable to stop...
I wanted to stop for a few months (smoking too) so gave my sister enough cash in an envelope that it was painful to stop. Whenever I wanted a drink or smoke, I'd remind myself that it would be a $200 drink or a $200 puff. And it worked.
You don't have to use money, but you have to make yourself pay an extremely high cost if you drink... an exercise program is another idea. Or a bet with friends. Or save the money you'd spend and invest it or go on a holiday... be creative 🙂
well done for making the decision water dragon. you say that you are unaware of experiencing depression before - sometimes people use alcohol to lift symptoms of depression they may have been unaware of experiencing - alcohol also increases the likelihood of developing depression and so leads to the development of the up/down cycle in moods. also agree that establishing a routine is helpful for stimulation, having experienced depression myself and battled addictive behaviours, from personal experience i can say that for me, structure helps to keep me occupied and provides me with a sense of purpose. hope that you find the support that you need and sending you love and positive thoughts to mantain your strength xx