Little bit of background. I'm married no kids and work in a management position. Never been overly self confident but I was good at what I did so got to move through the ranks into management.
About 6 years ago I had to take over a project from someone. Until I took over it was going pretty good but then it started going downhill. I was feeling really bad about it and slightly nauseaus on occassion. Because of the way things were I decided I had to leave the company and got a new job relatively easily.
Had a good start at the new job but then very quickly things started going wrong and there was someone giving me a really hard time. Eventually my boss had to take-over and I supported him by doing the work while he faced off to the client. At review time he told me I was doing well, I had done all the work but had to be more self confident. Things were OK with my manager but the client had another piece of work and it was decided I should manage it on my own. The thought of it was too much for me and I started looking for a way out.
Given the last 2 positions I had held left me feeling bad I decided to take a step down. The thinking behind this was that I felt I had progressed past the point I was good at so should go back slightly - all would be OK. It was intitially but as time went by I took on more and more work - can't say "no" and then eventually got that bad feeling back again. So it was time to move again.
Now I am in a new place - less than 3 months - and I feel like a failure already. There are things I know I need to do but either spend so much time doing them so they are "perfect" or just worry about doing them but not actually do them.
That's the work side of things. As I say we have no kids, primarily because I don't want any. I think about a lot of "what ifs..". What if I'm not a good dad, what if the child is bad or an embarresment, what will we do if we can't afford having a family. This caused a pretty big row a couple of years ago as we are reaching the end of years for starting a family but having described how I felt my wife accepted the situation.
Outside I think my friends and family would describe me as successful, fun loving and quite extrovert. But internally I am now really starting to despair. I don't know what to do and even writing this feel like a bit of a fraud as if you were looking in on my life from the outside I think you would say I have a lot of good things going for me so should just shut-up and get on with it, but I feel I am getting worse and just want to run away from it all.
I've tried talking it over with my wife but I just get annoyed as she does say things like, so what's the problem and when I try to explain she does try to encourage me and say get on with it. Better to do the things I have to do and for them to be wrong rather than not doing them at all.
Tonight I've been trying to do a bit of searching on the internet to see if the way I am feeling is common and have seen the description of negative thinking which rings a lot of bells - but what to do.
Is anyone else in the forum in the same boat - anyone got any advise.
Hi OrderPad
Welcome to the forum.
You are creating your reality out of the way you think and what you believe, because your thoughts are not on what is happening to you right now which would allow you to orchestrate your reality in a positive manner, they are focused upon your negative perceptions about what might happen in the future (doom and gloom), what ifs do not serve you in a positive way, they make you worry which is a negative thought trend which leads to despair.
Your feelings are an outward indication of the way you are thinking, they are a physiological response to your thought patterns and beliefs, so keep an eye on them and they will guide you to your thought patterns and beliefs, positive thought patterns and beliefs will produce positive feelings of contentment and happiness, whilst negative thought patterns and beliefs will produce negative feelings of despair, fear, anxiety etc.
Before we can achieve anything in a positive manner, we have to believe that we can succeed, if we set off believing that we are going to fail, then failure is the only option available to us.
A starting point is to ask yourself - 'how is my choice to focus my thought patterns and beliefs in a negative way upon things which have not yet come into reality serving me'? Write down your answer and think about it until the reality of your situation and the full consequences of that choice makes complete sense to you.
Then ask yourself another question - 'how am I now going to change my thought patterns and beliefs into something which will serve me in a positive and meaningful way right now'?
Sometimes I believe no matter how positive our thoughts can be, often life is not what we make it but what situations 'that we can't control' make it and that can feel pretty s****ty.
Your not alone Orderpad I go through very similar experiences. Like you my family/friends look on me as fun loving, successful etc., but I do sometimes feel so alone because nobody really knows how unhappy I can really feel at times and like you I am full of 'what ifs'
I love doing things for others, I work voluntary giving reiki and relaxation sessions to people with mental health problems, this is very rewarding but I still leave feeling deflated. I let them choose lovely positive affirmations that I have written and while they leave on cloud nine I can feel on rock bottom. In my case I think it was all to do with my childhood/upbringing and for that I could write a book. Maybe in your case Orderpad there may also be connections to childhood and your feelings of negativity.
Try what Paul says and I wish you the best of luck. Come back at some point and tell me how you are getting on.
Hi, if you feel that a lot of what's happening, stems from low self esteem and self doubt, you could try some homeopathic treatment. Homeopathy can help greatly with mental and emotional issues as well as physical conditions and the treatment has a history of enabling people to turn their lives around. You would need to explain your situation much as you've done on this forum and as well as the treatment, you would feel that you have some monthly emotional support. HTH Hom
Flower essences work wonders at removing negative thought patterns and replacing them with thought patterns that serve you.
Hi there - welcome to HP.
I think you'll find EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) will make an enormous difference to your outlook on life. See . The best thing is to find a[DLMURL="http://www.aamet.org/search/search-aamet-members-test.html"] practitioner [/DLMURL]who will help you through the process. Once you know what your need to do when tapping you can also work over the phone or with Skype, so you don't even have to visit the practitioner so you can choose one anywhere!
There have been some astonishing successes with this method and sometimes very quickly too. Please read some of the reports. Read through discussionson the EFT section for some more ideas.
It uses light tapping on the ends of the energy meridians in the body to help clear energy blockages that affect how we think and feel. Well worth a try, and if the issue isn't resolved, then you haven't got to the basic cause of the problem - so persistence pays off!
Wishing you all the best.