1 month and 3 weeks ago this week I walked passed a lady who came out of her working place and almost immediately we clicked by making eye contact and smiling at each other but one of her work colleagues came out as well just seconds later and got talking to her for a few minutes and whilst they were doing that I had to contend with two blonde haired men who kept on staring at me for no reason what-so-ever, well unless they deliberately wanted me to feel very uncomfortable and embarrassed and in some cases they did succeed!; but anyway after the two ladies had chatted for some strange reason the lady who I clicked with, just suddenly walked away from me without even introducing herself?!

I have been wanting to go to her workplace again on the day we had met each week for: 1 month and 3 weeks but fate had other plans for me because I am an unpaid live in carer for my grandma and so I have been looking after her and her home by doing all of the chores that needed to be completed and her car broke down twice and in the end her car needed a new battery fitted!

But during last week I did manage to walk passed the ladies work place again and I heard two of her lady colleagues talking about me saying “that is him who had supposedly ignored our lady colleague even though she fancied him because he ignored her but we would tell him when she would be working next; due to changing her timetable because of now going to college but he would have to talk to us first of course either today, next week or the week after that as that would be our cut off point!!”.

So this week I did manage to walk as far as the outer area of where they work but unfortunately my social anxiety kicked in because: What if those two ladies made me feel twice as uncomfortable and embarrassed just like those two blonde haired men did to me? therefore making me speak in my effeminate voice like I normally do when I am anxious, very faintly, mumble, not make any sense at all and just finding myself completely running away from the situation!!

I then said to myself “I know that you have been single for a while and you do not normally like change do you? although you are the only person who is still single in your family but in hind sight you would like to get married and have at least: 1x child of your own!!, you are scared of confrontation and making a complete idiot of yourself just like a clown would! and you can try to get a ladies attention by flirting with them but when it comes to the next stage you just want to run away from the ladies instead?? what a complete loser you are!!” so if you were me what would you do?  I wish that I could be saying this to a physical friend or friends but I have a bad history when it comes to making new friends because they always let me down in some way e.g. by disappearing, insulting me, telling me it is my fault and not theirs and also blaming me when it comes to them breaking the law due to getting caught!

Thank you all for taking the time in reading this and I look forward to your replies.

All the very best,

TheBattle2009

I do hope that you are all staying safe and looking after yourselves and others..... I wish that I could say that I was also looking after myself well but it is becoming increasingly difficult, because since my second Coronavirus vaccine nearly 2 weeks ago now it is giving me nasty side effects such as: bad headaches, making me move and think slowly so whatever I do it takes me twice as long to bloody do it!

Making me think very negatively, continuously having a go at myself, 2x magnified anxiety and depression due to still being deliberately bullied, harassed, neglected and abused by my family, feeling threatened, feeling like a prisoner, on a knifes edge so to speak and I have also been getting horrible flashbacks when it comes to my unreported mental and physical child abuse by my disowned father which started from the age of just: 6 to the age of 14 years old (when I decided to live with my mother�s parents); on top of this I am also having to deal with being diagnosed with Asthma which is a type of lung disease since: 2020 (during the very first UK Coronavirus Lockdown, that was bad timing!).

So I was wondering if any of you have had these types of side effects from your Covid-19 vaccine?, how long they lasted for? and how you dealt with them?

Take care and stay safe everyone.

All the very best,

TheBattle2009

I hope you are staying safe and what a year I have had when it comes to last year and now this year because since: 05/05/2020 (during the first UK Lockdown) I have been diagnosed with having Asthma which is a type of lung disease, no thanks to an innocent coughing cold that I had for: 9 weeks like I sadly usually get each year!; which triggered off my Asthma as thankfully after I had a Covid-19 swab test it came back negative.

Since yesterday morning (13/06/2021) my very own grandmother turned my CBT Therapist against me even though I did her a favour of allowing her to see my CBT Therapist for years now, because my grandmother is still finding it very difficult in dealing with her senile dementia as she sees things that are not real and thinks that her own family are turning against her including me which is just untrue!

Because my grandmother managed to manipulate and brainwash my CBT Therapist (due to telephoning her) into thinking that I had locked my grandmother out of her own home, so my CBT Therapist text messaged me by saying that my grandmother sounded distressed and would I let her in as you know how mentally ill and frail she is and then threatened me by saying if I did not she would call the police, to force me into letting my grandmother into her own home.

Then continued to bomb me with other slanderous text messages by also accusing me of harassing and threatening my own grandmother who is frail which cannot be allowed to happen, as otherwise she will get the police to safe guard my grandmother and if I do not stop, there will be big trouble mister! then more than an hour later my CBT Therapist continued to slander my name and reputation by asking me if my own grandmother need medical attention??

My CBT Therapist did not like reading my sarcastic text message reply as I put them straight by saying �you call yourself a CBT Therapist but you do not know how to diagnose or deal with a person with senile dementia, because my grandmother had locked herself out of her own home and could not find her front door key which was in her trouser pocket all along!, so yes I did naturally let her in again but please feel free to call the police as they will just laugh at your slanderous text messages especially when you slanderously accused me of threatening and harassing my own grandmother who is frail!

How you can accuse me of harassing and threatening my own grandmother is beyond me!, are you sure you do not have dementia as well?, she does not need to be safe guarded by the police as she needs to be locked up in a Mental Health Hospital and I also know someone else who needs to follow as well and that she was not the only one who needed psychological medical attention!, as you can imagine I did not receive a text message reply as my CBT Therapist went all quiet on me and did not even have the respect to apologise to me for their slanderous remarks!

Even though for years I have been telling my CBT Therapist that my family as a whole treats me like the runt of a litter including my mentally ill grandmother, just because I am a good person who respects others but them on the other hand are evil and poisonous narcissistic psychopaths who deliberately causes fights within our family and at least half of our family have moved abroad to be able to completely disown our family and as I am one of life�s losers and victims I have been unable to move on with my life even to be able to disown my own evil and poisonous family which includes my own grandmother therefore I am forced to endure it!

What do you think I should do with my life? as I do not know what to do anymore because I am always stuck between a rock and a hard place therefore I cannot be freed!, should I start off by removing my CBT Therapist from my life?

Thank you all for taking the time in reading this and I look forward to your replies.

All the very best and take care,

TheBattle2009